Like Clockwork

It’s 1am, and I’m thankful for friends.
They say that the party never ends, but
I’m sure real friends come over when nothing is happening
or when times are tough.
That’s a good litmus test.

It’s 2am, and I pray I’m asleep.
Some dreams seem to keep me awake.
Toss & turn til I get back home;
I tire out while my thoughts still roam.

If 3am, then something’s on my mind.
I’m not worried; I’m not out of line.
It’s just that I’m waiting for something:
a vision, an answer, or peace overwhelming.

If 4am, then worry is sin.
Perhaps I’ve turned to vanity or perhaps given in.
The lies that I can do anything about “it” now
When rest would serve me best.

So 5am rolls around, and I watch the sunrise.
The grace fills the room, it catches my eyes
how new mercies walk in with each day dawn
New mercies for me I did nothing to earn.

6am, I greet my husband
who runs to work with happy smiles,
a silent prayer occurs between us to mark the moment,
to breach the miles.

7am–my child smiling, equally happy to meet the day
I wish & I wonder why I don’t seem to wake that way.
This joy here every morning–this day the Lord has made.
He made every morning and lays me down again at night.

I foolishly question his timing.
He amazingly does it again.
Tells me Time is in His hand.
He made it. It’s His.

Rough Patch

There really is more that could be said
There really is more-the blood is shed
So much more -he broke the bread
So miracles still happen

I know you feel like waters always dripping,
Your kids are always missing,
And the laundry’s never done.

The arguments, the fights never seem to let up,
Your spouse never seems to get up
And lend you a hand.

Wrenching your hands to the sky,
you ask God why have I had this conversation
too many times.

I don’t see any understanding
All I seem to hear is demanding
That I change everything about me…

What is it about me or us
That brings me to my knees each time
Is dinner burning while I’m asking this?
Heck, I’ve got to steal time to really be here with you
Is that banging at the door?
I need a lock on my prayer closet, so the tide, the busyness,
the issues won’t find their way in.
I’m asking, who sinned?
Me, my spouse, the kids?
Why do we have such drama over the slightest aggravation,
delay, or missed assignment?
What is at the bottom of this?

Is our love strong enough?
Are we really fading over life’s demands?
Are we just another waiting statistic?
Is divorce the only solution to arguments these days?
And what kind of solution would that be?
We’d be faced with more bills,
swapping kids, and a cold bed.
I like warmth to my toes; I like hugs when I’m lonely.
I like toast with my jelly; I don’t want a push-pull lifestyle.
I want to gel; I want to flow.
But, how do we get on the same page?

I hear the Lord whispering (though the door’s still banging), I think I’ll
listen…I think I’ll drink deep of His wisdom:
Child, you are mine, and I was there when you said, I do.
I knew what would lie ahead for you. I knew. When you say, “God only knows.” You’re right. I do. So, breathe in deep of my peace. I really do have good planned for you. I know your marriage is a storm right now. But, hold onto me, and you’ll not be burned. You’ll not be drowned, for I am with you. You will hold onto me, and wait. Wait, and see what I have in store. It will be beautiful in its time. Do you trust Me?

“Yes”

Then WAIT ON ME.

“Wait on the Lord. Be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalm 27:14
I remember that.

So, I return to the storm, but I bring the Peace within Me…and I have eyes to see through the now. I see past it to the hope of tomorrow, and God is and will forever be…there.

Judas Kiss

Why ask why-sometimes it just is
Why say goodbye there’s really more than this
a judas kiss, a sunday betrayer
a formal sigh, written on paper
a wistful thought, what made you linger
Why did you have to be so wrong
You spoke of love you’re willing to die for
But 9 years later, those days are gone.

Some people slap you in your face
some people spit then walk away
They covenant their lies to you
There is healing for this type of abuse

A heart-wrenching thing to admit
You stood by your man
A heart-wrenching thing to witness
Your man was not worth it
A heart-wrenching turn of phrase
You’ll eventually “get over it”

But hey, I guess it’s true
So don’t waste your thoughts on that Judas
Don’t teach your kids of his ways
Bring up your sons to be a man
and not like their dad, a weasel snake.

Is there hope for a son of a gun
to change his stripes, to be made new
Washed in the blood?
Yes, but time is a factor still
And for you it will be a matter of time.

You’ll forget him and move on,
but you’re the best thing he messed up on.
He cheated and lied
One day he’ll realize that the drugs are not enough
To replace unconditional love
You never walked away
You’re a modern-day saint,
But he tore you off…released you, now you’re free
And God will take you, rearrange you,
and take better care of you than he ever did
Man, I wish that he’d understand
How he exchanged God’s great plan
for a sack of drugs and a bed of lies.
Why oh why?
But, why ask why?
Sometimes it just is
Time to say goodbye. There’s really more than this…Judas kiss.

An Affair to Forget

Falling words off the table
Can we just clean this slate?
Hungry mouths never waver,
“Give me more than this empty plate.”

Why did you do this?
Why is it such a mess?
What did she have,
What has she got?
How does she move you
that I did not?

It’s not my fault
I ring it true!
It’s not my fault
It’s you. It’s you.
the boundary issues
the wandering eyes
the noose, the noose.
You’re hanging from it
i could just let you hang
But I’m not staying long in the blame game
You sinned; you did it.
You confessed your soul.
I really hate it,
but I am whole.
My God, my Savior
He loves me fierce.
I trust my heart to Him,
the one you pierced.

Crying out, it’s not over.
Crying out, don’t believe the lies
Crying now, feel my shoulder
It’s still here, so lean and cry.

I-choose-to-forgive
I-choose-to-live
I-choose-to-love
I-choose-to-Move on.
I choose life, so mock on

Or get busy being faithful, staying true
Start today, erase mistakes, stay true
to the vow you made
in the sight of God
between me and you

Take the trash out, out of our marriage
Take the trash, remove it far from us
Cleanse the marriage bed
Defile it no longer
Free us from deceit; seek truth
You pick: this trash or you!

To a Loved One

written: date uncertain

What’s with the broken hangar?
Have you taken your anger
Out on yourself or possibly
someone else?
It hurts me more to look at you
Looking back at me with sad eyes blue
The tears streaming down your face
If only I could take the blame
And take all your hurt and pain
Away from you
I’m hurting simultaneously
By another person close to me
Don’t you get it?  Can’t you see?
I wish you would talk at me
Take a load off your chest
They say that’s best
To lean on a friend
I’ve been known to help others
Mend (or at least through Him)
So, put your problems to rest.
We’ve been like friends before
I think we can be that once more.
You’ve cheered me up
And made me laugh
To forget all my wearied past
Let me finally return the favor
I owe you that and more.

My Poem Selected for The Worship Art Gallery

I like to keep my family and friends up-to-date on what creative ventures I happen along next. It’s not “tooting your own horn,” if folks are asking you to play.  But, seriously, I do plan to keep posts like this on the shorter end…to avoid “overtooting.”

I’m pretty excited that my poem “Silence Into Symphony” was one out of 24 of over 100 entries selected to be exhibited for the Unlocking the Heart of the Artist Retreat Weekend. (Here’s more about the weekend)  My poem is now a part of a year-long online installation in The Worship Studio Gallery. You can view it at this link.

Consequently, here is the first portion of the poem to give you a sense of it…

Silence Into Symphony

What is it that turns
silence into symphony
and sleep into dreams
it seems so unreal,
untouchable
undescribable,
“that certain something”
 that muse.
an artist, a blank canvas
and miles in between
Please visit this link to read the poem in its entirety.

Constant Constellations: Apus

O Apus
“footless”
Bayer named you,
And yet you’re the one with the headache.
You are a bird of flight
And yes, you have your wings
But no feet
No long distance to compete
You lost before you started
Now the stars have parted for you
And you are among them
An unsung, unrung hero
A bird of the sky
That cannot fly
O me, O my
Why?
a gift horse
A piece of meat
Sometimes it bears repeating
You are the one that takes a beating
When others gawk and stare at you
You are the one who comes unglued
You are the one they tear into.
Knives and forks waving
Ready to take a bite out of you.
Oh, if I had wings of a dove,
I would fly away and be at rest.
So, yes, I’ll go to sleep,
And stop taking my peep at you…
I will too be at rest.
Will you?

Constant Constellations: Andromeda

Andromeda
O lady of chains,
How I do know your pains
You’re the object of jealousy
Your mother’s boast
Yet the one thing you regret the most
Is having no one to rescue you
To see you for who you are
And-
To see you.
Not just outer appearance,
It appears that you are
A princess of the stars,
Yet who will free you from your chains?
Not Perseus-
A made-up lad who, half-God, half-man
Is said to rescue you.
Well then, who?
Who will prevent your head-on course
What man, what force?
There is one who is said to be
a Son of man and that of God
Wow, the irony is odd
That such a man would be, could be…
could it be?—
that same man is He
who made thee,
Andromeda, Andromeda
To break your chains
He took them on
He died, so you live on
But it is said He rose again
And then it’s also said,
He wins.

The Uncomfortable Cocoon

This metamorphosis of fire
And lambasting of dreams
This cocoon of trembling
All snuggled with my fears
Yet here i am
face to face
With that which
i fear the most
i shall fear not & love
Fear not & love
There’s no fear in love
But perfect love casts out all fear
(Yes, all fear)
Because fear has torment
Do not fear
For the Lord redeems you,
takes you,
rearranges you &
calms all your fears
You will not be moved
You will not struggle in
the cocoon -
that crucible of surrender -
anymore
For you will
Be still & the Lord will not
Relent
Until…
He has all of you
It’s because He loves you
has better plans for you -
take you where you
think you don’t want to go.
Terrified to go,
Denying He’s sending you,
Calling you there
Why can’t I just stay here
“Because, I fear you will grow…
comfortable,”
So what’s wrong with the cozy
comfy caterpillar life?
Where he wants to take you,
You must have wings to reach.
And a quiet, humbled heart to teach.

relating to judas

how it must have felt
smooth charming lips
on Jesus’ cheek
like a slap of betrayal
with an icing of gall
no nervousness at all
no fear of God in man
to strike the God of the universe,
fleshly-clothed,
with a blow of a kiss
what could he be thinking
how far did he miss
God’s ultimate plan
to use his death to save man?

how i relate to Judas
violence in my heart
only living for the moment
when Destiny overtakes me
and i will finally see
Life ever before me
and Death is all i seek

so wail with me,
sweet Jordan,
wail with me Dead Sea
i befriended the Savior
but let His Love slip past me
over & over i see Him
the Lamb that they have slain
i led Him to the slaughter
though He called me by name

“judas,” i hear him calling, it stings even to say,
“you are stubborn
you only see me
revolutionary
as King
but i must go lower
lower than you know
Down into Hell
i’ve been further than you’ll go…

“don’t be afraid of their wailing
their breath is in their tears
they augment your misgivings
And pacify your fears.”
do not trust a hope
it has forsaken all these lands
the curtains fall with curses
once you hung the son of man.

i don’t like judas
am i judas?
though i, like judas, betray
without hope or even faith
they say Love is stronger than the grave
and nothing can ever separate.

enveloped with a promise
surrounded by His Word
i call upon His name
and He appears instead
He cooks me quite a breakfast
a breaking dawn of feast.
he sits beside me waiting
to see if i will blink
am i crazy for believing
or did my heart just sink
am i crazy for seeing you
extend this grace to me
a sinner
as if i am
still a friend
I, who denied you are my Savior
and lied straight to your face.

You whisper, “but I know you,
you crushed, abandoned Bird.
You need my restoration & my healing for your heart
i forgive you wholly & forever Me beside you
You are not like judas,
But like Peter, son of Truth.”